Just wanted to jot down something from the void. Yup, it just feels like a void, empty; like all the feelings, emotions, worries, troubles are on a different plane of existence and I have no idea how to feel them. It’s like playing an open world RPG from the time I was a kid. I get to do whatever I wish without a slightest care about what is going to be the result. It’s like living through a haze. A haze that gradually seperates me from what’s real and what’s not.
I act childish. I know that. I try to be as immature as I can because I am afraid what I’d do if the mature me comes out, as it does several times. I look at others and feel pity for how insigkificant their minds are. It makes me feel like an abnormality. I don’t know why I am ahle to overlook all the different facades a person puts on, and get to the real, week thing hiding behind them. It can be said the summit of being arrogant.
All the times a person gives in to the different kinds of emotion inside, I feel pity for them. For how how week they are. It might mean that I am a monster who doesn’t feel. I just… can’t comorehend the idea of living without thinking. And whenever I think, I have complete control over what I do. That’s why when others fail to rrstrain themselves and give into the boiling cauldron of foolishness I just… I am just forced to think what is wrong with me.
Am I too mature? Do I think too much? Have I become emotionless? Or is it simply my arrogance speaking? I would dearly like to believe the last one. But I know it’s not true.
I know I am evil. I am the worst kind that exists. Not because I am negative. It is because I simply don’t feel. This makes me try harder and harder to fight myself. I keep on acting like a child. Makng trouble for me and others. Making people laugh. Giving them something to laugh at. If I can’t feel it, I try to make others feel the way I can’t.
I don’t know what I blabbered right now. But that’s just what I am.
From the diary of The First Knight.
This is an excerpt from Akshat’s personal journal, dating back to the early days of the Elemental Wars. People use to say he spread life wherever he went. This just proves that he made others have what he couldn’t have.